He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize