ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
