Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
