was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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