peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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