At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
