I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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