totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
