and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
