I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
