so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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