in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
