God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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