Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
pray to the hookup gods
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
