ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize