I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
