you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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