Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
