Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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