i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
