After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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