Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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