Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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