Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
