you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
