first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
