I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
