is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
