I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize