what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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