i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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