I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
