Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
