No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize