and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
