eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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