found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
