i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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