I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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