If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
