I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dignity is for republicans.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
