it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
