i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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