You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
