I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
