hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
