I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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