If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
