Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize