he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
