if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
