My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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