why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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