he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
PANTIES FOUND
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
