Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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