You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
