K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
