and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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