eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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