I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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