Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
