I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
