Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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