Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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