I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
