I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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