you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
