Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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