So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
