we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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