It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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