seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
