everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
