Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
