i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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