Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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