Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
