but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
