the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
