Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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