I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Be still, my beating vagina.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
