She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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