you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
