Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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