Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
