Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
