The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize