And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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