stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
